Dating, Tinder and FOMO…
Okay so having been on the single scene for the last 3 years and I’ve had some time to reflect on my experiences and what I have had my eyes opened to. In my late teens and twenties I never struggled to get a boyfriend (I struggled immensely to be on my own though) and actually in some instances spent time dodging clingy, obsessive kinds of guys. You would go to a party meet a cute guy exchange numbers, go on a few dates and voila boyfriend! Or go down the pub where people actually still talked instead of sitting on their phones and guys would actually still approach you in a bar to talk. Back then you had shiz in common because you had all been filtered through a fairly similar middle class, mind numbing schooling system. For the most part we hadn’t travelled extensively, overcome major adversity or thought much further out of the box than we had been “trained” to. I mean when I was a teen my life plan was to be married at 21 and have my kids by 25…I didn’t really think there was another option, but am so glad I found one 😉
Flash forward to 2016 after 3 years of singledom, getting to a point I am happy on my own and now being open to something more. I have been left quite disillusioned by the world’s current state of dating affairs! Apps like Tinder have blown all previous semi-serious dating sites out of the window. Everyone is on there! To the point I don’t know if I know people from my day to day life or if I have seen their Tinder pics…the local Barista, bar man, kids school teacher you name it! Initially as a single mum I was quite open to the app, I am all for multi-tasking, I can be cooking dinner/parenting whilst having an intermittent convo online whilst getting to know someone - this would be ideal in a perfect world but the app fast got a reputation for being a hook up site.
After sifting through the flakers, fakers and pretenders for someone “genuine”, I continued on and off with strings of dates where we had nothing in common or even worse thought we had an amazing connection and spark maybe even shared a nice end of the night kiss, followed by their “I hope you got home safely” gentlemanly message then…crickets! It’s exhausting opening up, sharing for hours on end about each of your lives to then not even have a second date.
After speaking to other girlfriends they confirmed similar experiences, so it’s not just me. It is almost like it has created a fast-food dating culture and even less commitment than ever. I mean we can’t commit to where we may be next week let alone an entire relationship! We have been re-schooled in “going with the flow” in recent years and letting go of the incessant control we thought necessary from our parents generation, which I think is super important but there needs to be like in everything - balance. We are already seeing our generation full of “boys/girls” posing as adults that are flaky as f@*#, the eternal Peter Pans full of FOMO. “What if the next swipe is better ,hotter, richer, smarter…fill in the blank”. Are we making for an era of unsatisfied people that are craving connection - but none ever quite comes up to par with ridiculous expectations we now hold for our potential suitors. An era where benching (where we keep people on the bench just incase) and ghosting (never to be seen again) is the norm and a good morning text is seen as the height of chivalry?
Are we so focused on ourselves and our own journey (myself included) that we cut ourselves off from the possibilities? We are a generation that won’t settle and nor should we, but at the same time have our lists of “dealbreakers” become so ridiculous that they are totally unachievable for any human to feat?
I have a new appreciation for the honesty in those profiles that are as blunt as “DTF” or “only here for fun”. I can then choose to swipe right by or match (a girl has needs too and lets face it I am not swiping a dude with a shirtless gym selfie as boyfie material!)
So I tried “getting out there” and actually going to bars, events etc…not only are they loud, expensive, entice me to drink too much and allow me to think I can dance like I am Beyoncé, but gone are the days where men will actually approach you. Have we all become so insecure that we cannot connect or communicate with the absence of an emoji or two? I hear you say “Well why not approach them?” Well, to me it kind of sets up the way the rest of a relationship will go with me always having to make the decisions, take the lead and end up nagging (ick there is nothing I hate more) and I so don’t want to be your mother!
I do realise that there are love stories from such apps and I don’t deny it is handy, likewise for the random nights out…but I have decided that I am taking a small stand in reversing the fast-food of dating, letting the magic reappear, continuing to enjoy my life and letting it all unfold as it should and taking a hiatus from my dating apps…who is with me?
What are your experiences? I would love to hear…have I just become cynical?
#ourgypsyadventure #dating #love #onlinedating #soulmate #tinder #ghosting #fomo #hookups #theone
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